BATTLING BEATNICK BOOMER NEARLY STRIKES PAYDIRT

Got back the critique of my screenplay Distant Enemies from the BlueCat Screenwriting Contest. Although I didn't win any cash prizes, I was encouraged by the feedback. The anonymous critic agreed, I think, with Randall Jahnson, my Northwest Film Center's screenwriting teacher, that my script was a solid attempt. The BlueCat critic wrote that my plot was "fresh and original". He thought my plot twist was "a fine touch by the writer". He noted the "pod" element in my script, and it's reference to "Invasion of the Body Snatchers". He said my handling of the pods was "neither unoriginal nor identical" to the earlier films. True enough.

About my character portrayals, he wrote, "There was an array of characters ... each of them gave a powerful image and had their own individuality that made the story stronger and fluid. It was quite disheartening to see some of the characters die off or appeared (sic) to have died." That sympathetic reaction was exactly my intention. I love dialogue writing and the character it reveals.

On the negative side, both screenwriter Randall Jahnson and the anonymous BlueCat critic thought the action in the middle segment of my screenplay was slowed down by elements that might be eliminated or shortened. I'll definitely see where action can be sped up in future rewrites. The fact that two separate writers agreed about this belt line sluggishness, made the suggestion specially forceful. 

Finally, my anonymous critic encouraged me when he wrote  "Distant Enemies is a solid script and could be rewritten to improve the pacing." I agree wholeheartedly.

SPEAKING OF DIALOGUE

When I admit to the next error in my writing, I have no doubt all real writers will dismiss me as a hack. My only excuse is that this was the second novel I wrote, and it has lain around in my possession for a couple of decades without rewriting. I'm keeping this entry short because wife and I are on the road.

I was looking over a scene between two boys at Lawnwood, the fictional home for emotionally disturbed children central to the novel. The scene wasn't working, then I discovered both boys sounded too much like me. They didn't speak like two of the emotionally disturbed boys I remembered. DIALOGUE problem! I had to go back and research words that rang true for 1970, the year the book is set in.

First word I replaced was "gym shoes". In the 1970s the best word for gym shoes was "sneakers". Next I thought about what derogatory words teens used in the 1970s. I selected from a long list the word "dipshit" which felt just right. No sooner did I select that word, then one of the real teens I'd been a cottage parent for during those days, popped into mind, and I distinctly heard him speak that word, attitude included.

I had begun with the thought that the task of dialogue editing would be monumentally long and boring. The dialogue work may certainly take time, but the scene, with a few more corrections, came so alive that I was excited about the prospect of doing this kind of dialogue reworking throughout the entire novel. The old Beat Boomer Silent has learned another lesson. Where has my common sense (or is it the courage to work at it) been all these years?